Why I’m depressed: a theory
Everyone is unbelievably, incomprehensibly God-damn fucking stupid.
I seriously just fucking hate everything.
Where do idiot Christians get off saying that abortion is immoral when they go around lopping off bits of boys’ penises? At least the aborted fetus doesn’t have to live the rest of its life knowing that its sexual feeling has been permanently reduced, and will continue to decline due to keratinization of the glans. Since when is genital mutilation okay?
And I love how they get all preachy about any fucking thing; jumping at every chance they get to misquote the Bible. Well guess what, morons— circumcision has been opposed many times throughout the Bible. Why are you still doing it? Why do doctors still allow this practice?
I really fucking hate people.
A friend’s bong, anthropomorphized. You know who you are.
Shut the fuck up. I know the anatomy is shit, and the coloring is the best I can do with 6-year-old Crayola markers on 12-year-old sketch paper.
Just tilt your head back…
You’ve obviously never had a nosebleed before.
Because that never fucking works.
All it does is make blood run down the back of my throat.
Have you ever had blood run down your throat?
It’s fucking gross.
Signs of a computer noob:
- Uses AOL
- Uses Internet Explorer
- Has a million items on desktop
- Has 20 viruses from clicking popups
- Receives 10 junk emails per hour
- Sends you chain mail and “inspirational” emails with 50 CC addresses attached before the actual message
(Source: therealcillianmurphy)
Best scene in the movie.
(Source: kurtcobains)
- 1. had sex? Nope.
- 2. bought condoms? Nope.
- 3. gotten pregnant? Nope.
- 4. failed a class? Yep.
- 5. kissed a boy? Nope.
- 6. kissed a girl? Nope.
- 7. used a little paper bag for lunch? Yep.
- 8. had a job? Nope.
- 9. slipped on ice? Yep.
- 10. missed the school bus? Nope.
- 11. left the house without my wallet? Yep.
- 12. bullied someone on the internet? Yep.
- 13. sexted? Nope.
- 14. had sex in public? Nope.
- 15. played on a sports team? Yep.
- 16. smoked weed? Yep.
- 17. smoked cigarettes? Nope.
- 18. smoked a cigar? Nope.
- 19. drank alcohol? Yep.
- 20. watched “The Breakfast Club”? Yep.
- 21. been overweight? Yep.
- 22. been underweight? Nope.
- 23. had an eating disorder? Nope.
- 24. been to a wedding? Yep.
- 25. made fun of someone for being fat? Nope.
- 26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Every day.
- 27. watched tv for 5 hours straight? Yep.
- 28. been late for work? Nope.
- 29. been late for school? Yep.
- 30. kissed in the rain? Nope.
- 31. showered with someone else? Nope.
- 32. failed my drivers test? Nope.
- 33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes? Nope.
- 34. been outside my home country? I don't think Tijuana counts.
- 35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? Nope.
- 36. had lice? Nope.
- 37. gotten my heart broken? Nope.
- 38. had a credit card? Nope.
- 39. been to a professional sports game? Yep.
- 40. broken a bone? Fractured, not broken.
- 41. been unhappy about my weight? All day, every day.
- 42. won a trophy? Nope.
- 43. cut myself? Yep.
- 44. had an STD? Nope.
- 45. got engaged? Nope.
- 46. been on a diet? Nope.
- 47. tried out to be on a tv show? Nope.
- 48. rode in a taxi? Yep.
- 49. been to prom? Nope.
- 50. played a drinking game? Nope.
- 51. stayed up for 24 hours or more? Nope.
- 52. been to a concert? Nope.
- 53. had a three-some? Nope.
- 54. had a crush on someone of the same sex? Nope.
- 55. been in a car accident? Yep.
- 56. had braces? Yep.
- 57. learned another language? Yep, albeit poorly.
- 58. killed an animal? Only those lower than mammals.
- 59. been at a yard sale? Yep.
- 60. been to a japanese steakhouse? Nope.
- 61. wore make up? Nope.
- 62. talked to someone via webcam? Yep.
- 63. lost my virginity before I was 16? Nope.
- 64. had my wisdom teeth taken out? All four at once.
- 65. kissed someone a different race than myself? Nope.
- 66. snuck out of the house? Nope.
- 67. bought porn? Nope.
- 68. had a virus on my computer? Yep.
- 69. had oral sex? Nope.
- 70. dyed my hair? Nope.
- 71. gone skinny dipping? Nope.
- 72. graduated from college? Working on it.
- 73. wore someone else’s clothes? Nope.
- 74. voted in a presidential election? Nope.
- 75. rode in an ambulance? Nope.
- 76. rode in a helicopter? Nope.
- 77. caught the stove on fire? Nope.
- 78. got in a verbal fight? Yep.
- 79. met someone famous? Nope.
- 80. been on vacation? Yep.
- 82. been on a boat? Yep.
- 81. been on an airplane? Yep.
- 83. broken something expensive? Nope.
- 84. had surgery? Aside from oral surgery, no.
- 85. kissed someone before I was 14? Nope.
- 86. beat a video game? Yep.
- 87. found something valuable on the ground? Nope.
- 88. made a survey? Yep.
- 89. stalked someone on a social network? Nope.
- 90. prank called someone? Yep.
- 92. spent over $100 shopping in one day? Yep.
- 91. been to a library outside of school? Yep.
- 93. cut my hair and hated it? Yep.
- 94. peed outside? Yep.
- 95. went fishing? Yep.
- 96. helped with charity? Nope.
- 97. taken a pregnancy test? Nope.
- 98. been rejected by a crush? Nope.
- 99. been suspended from school? Nope.
- 100.broken a mirror? Nope.
- 38 Yes / 62 No
Hey internet,
I don’t like Disneyland.
